Unspoken Truths
by stardust2002
Summary: If you love something, set it free.' Kara realizes it's time to let Lee go in order to make him happy.


Unspoken Truths

As Kara stood, staring out the tiny window watching the endless vastness of space, she became aware of a face - a reflection in the window. Someone was standing behind her.

"I've been looking all over for you," Lee said quietly, not wanting to break the spell she'd apparently been under.

"Seems you found me," she answered, not turning around. "Need me for something?" She was off shift and he had to have known that, being the one who made up the schedules.

"There's a heated game of triad going on in the officer's rec. I was just wondering if you wanted to go join in."

"No thanks, you go ahead."

There was silence for a moment. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"What makes you think that?" Her tone held just a trace of it's usual sarcasm.

"Well for starters, you're here instead of cleaning the rest of the pilots out of their last cubits." Lee walked forward to stand beside her, eyes pulled involuntarily to the darkness of space just as hers had been.

Kara smirked briefly, but her somber look returned immediately. "Just needed some time alone."

"Is there anything you want to talk about? Anything you need to get out? You know you can always talk to me," Lee offered.

"This conversation sounds vaguely familiar," she said with a little smile.

"Yeah, well, you didn't take me up on it last time, so I thought I'd try again."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," she smiled at him momentarily then resumed staring out the window. "But I just needed some time alone with my thoughts." Lee didn't say anything but Kara felt the unspoken question. "A lot has happened in the past couple of months and I'm not sure I've had time to process it all."

Lee could tell she was reluctant to speak to him - not that that was anything new - but he wanted to try to help her if he could. "Oh, okay. I thought maybe you were just avoiding me," he said jocularly, hoping to lighten the mood.

"And why would I be doing that?" she teased back, but it was only half-hearted.

"I don't know. But you've barely spoken three words to me in the past two weeks, and you're never around anymore."

"Got a lot on my mind," she muttered, the small smile leaving her face.

"Are you sure you're not upset with me? Because I'd hate for ..."

She interrupted him. "Lee, it's okay, really. I'm not upset with you." She turned to face him and their eyes locked. It was all there - the pain she'd been trying to hide. He read everything in her gaze and matched it with his own.

"Kara," he said hoarsely, taking her hand gently, an expression of extreme sorrow on his face.

Hers broke and suddenly he could see the tears she'd been so desperately holding back come into her eyes. They shone more beautifully than ever in their sadness.

"I know," he whispered. "I lo ..."

"No! No you can't, _we _ can't." She pulled her hand from his as though it was in a burning flame. "Don't even say it. It can't be." She turned back to the window as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Why? If we both feel the same way..."

She turned on him fiercely. "You _know_ why. You know _exactly_ why this can't happen." The sorrow in her eyes was overwhelming. No wonder she'd been hiding from everyone. No one could fail to notice the pain she was in.

The air between them was charged. No words were spoken aloud but their hearts communicated through their eyes.

"Do you think things would have been different if I'd met you first?" Lee asked softly, eyes still on hers.

She smiled though the tears continued to fall. "I'm quite sure things would have been much different." Her face hardened. "But we have to live with things as they are, not as they could have been."

Lee nodded sorrowfully. "Are you going to be okay?" A single tear wound it's way down his cheek.

Kara turned back to the blackness of space. It matched the dark emptiness of her heart. "The jury's still out on that one," she said lightly.

"Kara, if there's anything I can do ..." he began, voice cracking with emotion.

She shook her head quickly. "There's nothing anyone can do. We all suffer the consequences of our choices."

"Some of us suffer more than others."

She turned to look at him, and her eyes were deathly dark. "Some of us deserve to."

"Aren't you ever going to forgive yourself over what happened to Zack?"

"No." Typical Kara defiance. "I can't. And every time I screw up, it only serves to remind me again, just how much I need to suffer for the choices I've made."

"Kara please," he took her hands in his but she pulled them away.

"No, don't touch me. Please." A fresh wave of tears began and she closed her eyes, allowing them to fall slowly. "I don't deserve this - I don't deserve you." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "And you don't deserve me."

"Kara," he began.

She turned to face him. "I know you've been dating Dee; the rumours are all over the ship." She sniffled and took a deep breath. "You deserve someone like her. Someone nice, someone good. Someone who'll make you happy. I want you to be happy Lee. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness."

"What about you?" he asked quietly, a few tears following the first down his cheeks.

"I had my chance," she whispered. "I blew it. Now it's your turn."

Lee touched her cheek gently, pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. He'd always worn his heart on his sleeve, and now everything was laid bare for her to see.

"I don't love her," he whispered, many more tears falling now.

"I know," Kara said, putting a hand to his and removing it from her cheek. "But you can, and you will if you let yourself."

"How can I...? He broke off, unable to continue.

"Because you have to," she said through her tears. "We can never be, and we both know that. It's time to accept it and move on."

Lee turned to face the window. "So where did all of this wisdom come from?" he said in a choked voice.

"Told you, I needed time alone. I've been spending a lot of time alone since ... coming back from Pegasus. That and we had to stop spending so much time together."

"We'll always be friends won't we?" Kara could hear the anguish in his voice.

"Yes," she reassured him, but Lee could hear the catch in her voice. He turned to face her. "What?"

"You sound like you're not sure if we'll still be friends."

"Well, I suppose we will but it won't be the same will it?" Kara faced him, those sad hazel eyes boring into his. "You and I have been about as close as two people can get without getting physical. We've shared everything together. We'll still work together, but all that other stuff will change. _She'll _ be the one you turn to when you need an ear. _She'll _ be the one you share your secrets with. _ She'll _be the one you spend your spare time with. You can't have a girlfriend and still come to me for all of that. You know that would hurt her."

"Come on, we've only had two dates, it's not like we're engaged," he protested.

"No, but maybe one day you will be. Or it'll be someone else. The only way to let yourself be happy with someone else is to let go of me."

Lee stared into her beautiful, sad eyes and shook his head. "I don't know if I can do that," he whispered. "You're not just my friend, you're a part of me. I can't lose you."

"You won't. We'll always be a part of each other's lives." She smiled weakly. "I don't think I could survive without you."

The look in her eyes shattered his heart. He reached out and pulled her into his arms, hugging her fiercely. At first Kara fought it, putting her hands on his chest to push him away, but as his warmth and love enveloped her she knew she couldn't. This man was a part of her like no other had ever been, even Zack. She and Lee connected on so many levels it was almost terrifying. She'd never loved anyone so purely and so deeply, and yet she knew what she had to do. 'If you love something, set it free.' Never mind the rest. He wasn't hers - never had been, never would be.

She returned the hug just as fiercely and they held each other for a long time, as if afraid to let go. Kara finally pulled out of his arms and they stood staring at one another's tear-stained faces.

"You know I'll always love you Lee," she whispered. "Remember that." Fresh tears welled up in his eyes. "If you ever need me ..." She choked back a sob and didn't bother to continue. As she walked past him, she brushed a hand on his shoulder, and it lingered a moment ... then she was gone.

Lee turned to see her back retreating around the corner of the unused catwalk. "I need you," he whispered, finally understanding how Kara had felt when Zack died. He'd never truly understood before - had been too wrapped up in his own grief to sympathize with her. Now he knew how it felt to have your whole life reduced to nothingness. To feel only pain where your heart used to be.

Kara had effectively walked out of his life, taking his heart with her. Now they truly were only a CAG and a pilot, as he'd once said in anger to her. Nothing more.


End file.
